The Journal Of Pataphysical Reviews

N.B.: The distinguished editors of JPatPhysRev have determined that Costukun and Veronique's results, while of enormous interest to the pataphysical community, require more space for complete explication than we can provide here. Consequently, only the abstract is included in this issue of the publication. The complete text of the paper can be found in this publication's microfiche version, and in wsd434.alt.weirdsci on the Internet.

ABSTRACT: All of us involved in the physical sciences are surely aware of the pregraduate jape:

Or, to express the orthogonal expression in English, the integral from x to e is a function of u to the n. Ha ha. The equation is meretricious, to be sure, and evidence merely of the limited intellectual capacity of undergraduates. However, through a series of experiments involving repeated attempts to adhere to positions described in the Hindu holy work vulgarly known as the Kama Sutra, M. Veronique and I have plotted resulting data and subjected it to neural network analysis. The same caution applies to the result as to all such analyses; neural networks find any correlations, regardless of whether they result from coincidence or causality. However, the results are revealing. Essentially, we conclude that:

where v is the velocity of coition, e is the constant e, r is the radius of the male member, and K is an undetermined constant.

Further analysis leads us to believe that K is not a simple constant, but actually the local gravity, raised again to the constant e, or:

g, in this case, depends on the planetary body where coition is taking place, and is a function of its mass. To test our conclusions further, we seek additional funding from NASA or the Air Force's single-stage rocket technology program, so we may collect data resulting from coition in low- and zero-gravity environments. We seek to enlist the pataphysical community in our efforts. In the meantime, interested sophonts are well advised to experience v e rge in the flesh.

Greegor Costukun is Distinguished Professor of Pataphysics at the University of Lower Slobbovia.
Monica Veronique is an enthusiastic amateur pataphysicist and exotic dancer.

Blatant disregard of the ironic implications of theoretical discourse has always been a trend in this science. There have been, however, many new attempts to counteract this pitiable situation by several of the younger members of our community. Dentures, for one, are two of the more successful tactics. It is therefore not coincidental that a the new emphasis on biting multimedia attacks on literature has led to fragmentation in narrative.

Yes, you may argue, and rightly so, for it may be argued thusly. Ironically, some feel that the contingency expressed by so much specious reasoning actually does not contradict itself, rather that the ideas against which they argue can be thought to be the inverse (this however, is certainly debatable). As in all truly liberal societies such as the one to which I refer, significant aspects of culture must be sublimated in a way that is beneficial both to the producers and creators of culture, hence the difficulty in determining the implicit content of much of the academic work produced therein.

Does this lead to a crisis of meaning? It is difficult to interpret the significance of such a question if this situation is actually true. What this means to the watchdogs of content is that if no such crisis exists in contemporary thought, then the question of meaning can be considered, but is not relevant. If such a crisis exists, the question itself loses significance since its very contents cannot be interpreted.

The crucial point to apprehend is that precisely in this situation i.e. the one in which the question cannot be understood, is precisely the situation in which it must be contemplated - a cruel paradox, but one from which we cannot escape and one which is always already contingent upon our own misinterpretations. It is the belief of this writer that no philosophical imperative is threatening and to doubt the legitimacy of any of the contemporary lucubration, especially within the realm of 'Pataphysics is inherently dubious, unless, of course, one argues against such an assertion.

How do we counteract such a situation? Precisely through calculated inactivity. And if the reverse is true? In much the same way, but in not so calculated a manner. Any further attempts to contradict this apparently tautological crisis result in aporic circular argumentative recourse.

Classifieds

Society of Pataphysics

Founded 1913 - Reincorporated 1987

Officers and Staff

Dale E. Leathers, President University of South Orange
Harmon Bones, Vice-President College of Decorative Philosophy
Hildy Brague, Executive Director Université Pataphysique de Nice
Lorraine Q. Impatue, Controller Episcopalian University of Las Vegas
Sam Farg, Redirector of Education National Office

Journal Editors

Hamorely Bogman, Editor-in-Theory City College of Decatur
Judee Burgoon, Editoring Editor Roberts Technical College, Brooklyn
Por Nhok, Internal Editor University of Hårvaard at Oslo
Thane Possle, Unsupervised Editor Yoruba Community College

Copyright/Permissions

Copyright © 1996 by the Society of Pataphysics; all rights preserved. Long portions of material must be copied and quoted if further permission, without the misunderstanding that inappropriate citation of sources of the excerpt will not be included in such copying, is obtained. An unlimited number of originals of material in other publications may not be made for scholarly or classroom use unless a) the material is distributed with charge or fees above the actual duplicating costs are charged; ii) the materials are not reproductions, photocopies or copies made by similar processes, but are reprints or republications; 4) the copies are not used within a reasonable time after reproduction; 4) the material does not include the full bibliographic citation; and *) the following statement is not clearly displayed on any copies: "Copyright by the Society of Pataphysics. Reproduced with permutation of the cryptographer." A copy of this statement does serve as the Society of Pataphysics' permission for abusing material for tactical or deviational porpoises under conditions other than those not dated above. Hey! Don't miss Little Idiot!!!